Hey, Joe, whatcha got on this mixtape for that black-maned Betty of yers to make her do the South Beach panty-drop quicker’n you can say “nu-rave noodles”? Side one of Zep IV? Naw, not unless you want her thinkin’ that thin-cropped beard stretches all the way down yer backside. Hey, what girls these days is into is weepy synth-plop ‘n’ bookish vulnerability of th’ Anglo-centric variete. Echo and the Bunnymen’ll do; so will Interpol. But what works best is the Cure. Yep, “In Between Days,” “Hanging Garden,” “Close to Me”; hell, just burn all of Head on the Door. And throw this new one by the Shout Out Louds on there too.
Cuz if you think all that imprecise, foppish huff ‘n’ puff is aces, these guys got yer post-emo, frustrated romantic stuff in spades. Check out these anonymously inviolate lyrics from “Tonight I Have to Leave It” and apply ’em to sitchations in yer real life: “Don’t come up to me and say you like it/ It’s better you say you hate it, that’s the truth exactly/ When we go out dancing I don’t want to be bothered/ I just want to be bothered with real love.” Your gal will know exactly what they’re not talking about. Hey, Joe, don’tcha remember when these guys were called the Get Up Kids, back then they weren’t Swedish and didn’t dress this stuff up in post-punk rhythm velveteen so ya knew exactly where they were comin’ from?
Now dig this: Track two is actually a different song from the first one, slapped with the same vaguely longing synth-pop as the first plus a hint of that post-collegiate ennui that you hear about in the independent films. You might wanna cut out this sobered-up cover of the Pogues’ “Streams of Whiskey” and skip straight on to the ‘lectroclashed-out remixes on tracks four and five (cuz you kids only dance to strict trochaic tetrameter, right?). Here the Russian Futurists (not actually Rooskies) give us their “If ‘Twere Left Here Tonight: Fun ‘n Flirty Remix,” and Kleerup flips on the arpejater for the “Bear vs. Unicorn vs. Rainbow Mojito Mondays Magic Mixxx.” Hey, I’m sure that girl a’ yours has prolly been taken in by ’80s-damaged dilettantes of a more tuneful breed than the Shout Out Louds, but she’ll think yer tops for picking up on the single a month before th’ elpee is on double-duty rotation at the Urban Outfitters.