Early Day Miners

    The Sonograph EP


    I just finished listening to this Early Day Miners EP and I think I have these fellas figured out. OK: All of them are Velvet Underground fans, except for the drummer, who only listens to grind-core. He’s pissed because he has to slow down his shit like a pansy. At the studio when they break for lunch, he gets lost in vivid daydreams of necking during a warm embrace with Kerry King. He’s pretty much only in the band, so he can get some ass.


    The singer swears he likes Galaxy 500, but only owns the box set (which he never fully listened to) that his father reluctantly bought him for Hanukkah. He uses the same lyric-writing method as Bowie did, by cutting up already written words and then pasting them together. Unfortunately the words he cuts up are from a completed children’s crossword-puzzle book.

    A closeted bisexual, the guitarist plays his simple repetitive chords while feeling completely indifferent. All he wants to do is wear a sailor outfit and line dance. The bass player only listens to rap-rock, and his favorite band is Slipknot. He is currently undergoing treatment for a rare form of narcolepsy and likes Spanish food.

    See. I really know people. The Sonograph EP is mediocre at best. If they get a new singer, they could actually be good.

    – 2003

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