Jets to Brazil

    Perfecting Lonliness


    Formed by members of Jawbreaker, Handsome and Texas is the Reason, you would think Jets to Brazil couldn’t miss. Well, they have. Again. According to Jade Tree, JTB has “surpassed the marks set by their alma maters,” and agreeably so, if we’re discussing suckiness. This band has become its own never-ending B-movie death scene, minus the rewarding gratuitous nudity.


    The band’s first album, Orange Rhyming Dictionary in 1998, received praise for its light, poppy, high school lyrics and dance-along rhythm. Rather than striving for greatness, JTB released Four Cornered Night and wallowed in mediocrity, producing quite possibly the most disappointing follow-up album of the decade. Just when you thought the dead horse couldn’t be beaten any more, along comes Perfecting Loneliness. Well, shit…didn’t it ever occur to these guys that they might not be so lonely if they ever put out a decent record? This album, again characterized by summer-tinged folk-pop, not only manages to repeat everything JTB has ever released, it goes on, and on, and…on, with only three songs ending under the five-minute mark.

    Most guys are upset about their ninth-grade break-up for about a week, but these guys have based the latter half of their (once promising) careers on it. Tell me “Further North” doesn’t read like a poem written in crayon on a heart shaped doily: “So tonight I’ll stay inside/ There are things I’d like to try with you, but I stay inside/ Tonight, I’ll stay inside/ I could play guitar.”

    My boredom was briefly interrupted during “Lucky Charm” when I realized my foot was keeping rhythm with the mind-numbing track. These guys may have forgotten how to rock, but at least they’ve learned to play their instruments while asleep, just about the only valid upside for Perfecting the Loneliness.

    Previous articleThe Red Record
    Next articleUp the Bracket