Ass Cobra [7.0] and Apocalypse Dudes [8.0] (reissues)


    Didn’t you hear? Turbonegro is back! If you are at all concerned with the rock being brought, then Turbonegro is here to bring it to you. Now, some of you folks probably might not know who Turbonegro is, but you really ought to. Indeed, lots of rock bringing going down on these reissues. Reissues? Yup, these bad boys came out in the ’90s. But that’s the way it is here in America. It takes all the good rock about six or so years to actually get brought. But Turbonegro live up to the task of having their rock brought to you with a delay. You see, they’re gearing up to grab this country by the throat and force-feed the people some rock. A new Turbonegro album is slated to drop soon, but you need to know the score before you dive in. Ass Cobra and Apocalypse Dudes, originally released in ’97 and ’99 on Sympathy for the Record Industry, respectively, serve as a notice. This going to be a band to watch out for in 2003.


    There’s a whole lot going on with this rock and roll thing these days. What started off as pretty interesting (The Strokes, The White Stripes) was quickly watered down by the lame mainstream music industry. Every two bit band with shaggy hair and no skills whatsoever, like the D4 and White Light Motorcade, got signed and pushed the moon. We got the “Advanced Warning Tour” with the Mooney Suzuki and the Raveonettes, two of the most outright boring bands I have seen in ages. But the kids, they love it don’t they? I don’t blame them. It’s infinitely better listening to Staind or Papa Roach (though I don’t think anyone listens to that crap anymore). But those bands need to run off and hide. Turbonegro is coming to rock you clean out of your socks.

    These two records are made up of everything that was ever fun about rock music. Sure, sometimes the over-the-top rock schtick becomes a wee bit overbearing (and yeah it’s a schtick with these guys) but I dare you to put on Apocalypse Dudes and not raise your fist in the air when the album kicks into high gear. Apocalypse Dudes rocks longer and better than Ass Cobra, but you can’t discount the brevity and overall raw quality that Ass Cobra brings to the table.

    Turbonegro isn’t afraid to interject some homoeroticism in their music. Anyone who read my Blood Brothers review knows my stance on fey rock. For those who didn’t, the Somar Theory of Feyness is that rock music sucks because it’s target demographic is straight males and, well, a lot of those straight males are macho asswipes. Turbonegro is not for the jackoff in the Disturbed T-shirt. This band has a dude in a sailor hat! That’s BADASS! They have titles like “Rendezvous With Anus” and “The Midnight NAMBLA.” These six Norwegians are going to be coming to America to rock for all those kids who still think Fred Durst is cool. I’d love to see the look on some Slipknot fan’s face when he takes these albums home and opens up the inlay and finds cocks everywhere. God bless Turbonegro.

    Look, either you like you hard rock badass without taking itself too seriously to do it or you don’t. If you do, then get these reissues and get the new Turbonegro album when it comes out. If you don’t, then go the hell.