This is going to be either terrible or awesomely terrible: Texas Chainsaw 3D. The update stars Alexandra Daddario (Hall Pass), Tania Raymonde (Lost), and R&B artist Trey Songz making his big screen debut. The story is simple and picks up where the original left off, 30-some years down the road in Newt, TX: Heather (Daddario) inherits a Texas estate from her grandmother only to discover a “dark secret hidden deep in the cellar” that connects the young protagonist to the Sawyer legacy. Obviously, the mansion is located in The Middle of Nowhere, which is about a mile away from Ominous Graveyard and just down the street from Well-Lit House That a Character Can Never Quite Reach. Judging from the first clip, the movie promises lots of gore, lots of opportunities for Songz to be without shirt, lots of provocative dialogue (“Welcome to Texas, motherf–ker”), and very little else.
Let’s hope Trey Songz contributes an original song to the soundtrack (he’s been nominated for Grammy’s; he could probably find a way to rhyme ‘chainsaw’ with ‘paycheck’). Texas Chainsaw 3D opens Jan. 4, 2013. Watch a clip below. [Indiewire]