One of two new songs recorded for their forthcoming Greatest Hits LP, the Spice Girls''' "Headlines (Friendship Never Ends)" makes the Britney single sound like a cross between a bedroom demo of ''"Karma Police''" and the first live recording of ''"Yesterday.''" Performed by Pavarotti. Backed by Whitney Houston in her prime. In a key only decipherable by angels and virgins. With Da Vinci on bass, Einstein on piano and Jefferson on guitar. And a drum loop that doubles as both the meaning of life and proof of cold fusion, depending on the time of day. And that played backwards cures cancer. With extra verses written by Dylan and Prince. After some edits by Keats. And a grammar check by Plato and a spell check by Shakespeare. With a video featuring babies doing mental math and performing Christmas miracles. While bathing in snowflakes. Melted by the strength of 1,000 suns. From a planet populated exclusively by ninjas. Smart, on-key, melodic ninjas.