Let me kick this post off with an overlong personal anecdote, Prefix reader. I know those are the worst, but here it goes: Back in September, my uncle gave me a spare ticket to the PGA's Buick Championship in Illinois. I'm not the biggest golf fan, but I figured, hey, a free ticket to see a bunch of dudes get millions of dollars while doing their hobby would be worth it.
So, I'm there, at the Buick championship, and it's hot as balls. It's like 80 degrees, and I'm wearing a black Led Zeppelin t-shirt and blue jeans, and am certain I am dying of sweating. I'm with my cousin as we, along with the other 1,000 clowns, follow Tiger Woods around (he eventually won the tournament), when I stop at a food stand to buy a $4 Pepsi. I'm thirstier than I've ever been (did I mention it was hot?), and I start chugging that shit like crazy. Next thing I know, I'm crushing the bottle, trying to get a little more soda off the inside of the wall of the bottle. Problem is, I crush my bottle right when Tiger is in his backswing, and I'm standing like 10 feet from him. He turns and gives me the most evil look I've ever gotten from another human being. My cousin tells me to stop, and I tell him, screw Tiger I'm thirsty. But when Tiger looked back, I could tell dude was deep in some shit, and I may have just sent him off the edge.
Then all this hooplah about Tiger boning Las Vegas hostesses comes out, and I as I see it, it's my fault Tiger got caught, it's my fault Tiger's wife hit him with a golf club, and it's my fault someone made a horribly dumb "slow jam" that mixes Tiger's voicemail message with a slow jam. Sorry everyone. If I could take it back, I would. [Spinner]