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Ten Alternate Names for the iPhone

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Ten Alternate Names for the iPhone
(with help from Adrian Covert and Oz Lang)
Since Apple is getting sued by Cisco, the company higher-ups will certainly be thinking up new names to call their new multi-faceted handset. Here's a few (ten to be exact) suggestions for our friends in Cupertino. We tried not to drink too much hatorade, but sometimes we get so thirsty. . .
WiiPhone
Pros: Trades on arguably the most popular video game console out there, can ride Nintendo's word-of-mouth. Apple gets extra "we just don't give a fuck" points for blatantly stealing from an active Nintendo product rather than a barely used iPhone name from Linksys.
Cons: Nintendo, already pissed off because some hacker will undoubtedly find a way to make touchscreen DS games work on the WiiPhone, will sue the hell out of Apple--and win.
iClone
Pros: Accurately describes a phone that does the same thing as other smartphones: e-mail, Google maps, music playing, touchscreen and Web browsing have already been done on Palm and Windows Mobile handsets.
Cons: Apple fans, while occasionally acting like sheep, probably won't enjoy the accusation, even as they rock out on their stock white earphones that came with whatever iPod they bought.
Holy Trinity Phone
Pros: Appeals to old-school Batman fans, sums up the three main features of the iPhone (phone, music player, Internet device), captures some of the religious fervor felt by Apple fans.
Cons: Might rub some religious folks the wrong way (if they aren't already high on meth and being rubbed by male prostitutes), brings the Steve Jobs idolatry a little too much into focus.
The Real Rokr
Pro's: Everyone loves a good dis, and it's generally accepted that the first Rokr sucked; will appeal to old-school hip-hop fans who remember the Roxanne Shante versus Real Roxanne battle.
Cons: Motorola, pretty much doomed to fail by Apple's insistence that its music phone hold only a hundred iTunes tracks, probably won't be happy with Apple taking its name. Also, who the hell, especially by summer '07 when the iPhone comes out, remembers the Rokr?
AppleTini
Pros: Will appeal to the metrosexual set, as well fans of Sex and the City and Scrubs. Undeniably, and perhaps sickeningly, cute.
Cons: You've just lost the PBR and Jack & soda crowd. Good job, Apple. Who the hell drinks appletinis these days, anyway?

Mugger's Best Friend
Pros: If you thought the white earphones that signaled an eminently stealable iPod was obvious, wait for the tempting target of a $500 iPhone held up to someone's ear out in the open.
Cons: Duly warned, everyone will keep their iPhone deep in their pockets, meaning even more people will walk around with an obnoxious blue glowing wireless headset stuck in their ear 24/7.
The Precious
Pros: Overheard at MacWorld: "I thought they would introduce something that would change my life, and they did." Seriously, Apple fans will be murdering each other if these phones aren't available in enough volume.
Cons: Apple doesn't want to get associated with hobbits and Gollums--Peter Jackson and New Line has serious beef, and those New Zealanders get buckwild when it comes to payout disputes.
OmniPhone
Pros: Accurately describes a phone that includes a broad range of functionality with a huge touchscreen and clever design.
Cons: Way too generic. Might confuse people who think that "Omni" is the company making the phone, even though they somehow associate a prefixed "i" with Apple, to the point that Apple sues anyone using the letter without permission.
i <3 Apple
Pros: Appeals to the Interweb set who will gladly beg their parents to buy them a $500 phone so they can text their BFF and iChat with them without being on a computer.
Cons: The iPhone doesn't actually include iChat. Wait, Apple's device doesn't include an IM client like existing smartphones? Lamers. Adults will have no idea how to pronounce the name.
Apple Phone
Pros: If Cisco has any case at all against Apple, this will almost certainly be the name. It worked for the iTV after all (now Apple TV).
Cons: Steve Jobs wants it to be called an iPhone, damnit. If he wanted it to be the Apple Phone, they would have called it that in the first place.
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iPhone
Music Tech

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