In what must have taken an enormous amount of patience and diligence, writer Paul Ford of The Morning News has written six-word reviews of 1,302 MP3s from artists performing at this year’s South By Southwest music festival, which is up from the 763 he wrote last year. Each review comes with a link to the band’s website and the song on the SXSW website, and is also rated on a scale of 1 to 5. The list itself is an entertaining mixture of colorful descriptions with a bit of added snark and is an amazing feat that at nowhere feels like it loses its steam or passion. Nothing but admiration can be had for the guy when you consider how many songs received a rating of 1. Here are some notable reviews, along with a few of my favorites:
Chris Bell – "The Saltlick": Oh jazz, you sound like jazz.
Au Revoir Simone – "A Violent Yet Flammable World": It’s too sweet; I’m too old.
Black Lips – "O Katrina!": Local alligators are insisting on earplugs.
Contra Coup – "Fly": Imagine your dad playing roots reggae.
Daniel Johnston – "Don’t Let The Sun Go Down on Your Grievances": Wow. He just keeps on going.
Datarock – "Fa-Fa-Fa": I want more data, less rock.
Delhi 2 Dublin – "Apples": Makes you miss the British Empire.
The Dollyrots – "My Best Friend’s Hot": Cute punk—anagram for “cunt puke.”
Explosions in the Sky – "Welcome, Ghosts": High-school football hurts so much.
Lucero – "What Else Would You Have Me Be": Subjects: “girls,” “guitars,” “life,” “love,” “drinking.”
Nellie McKay – "The Cavendish": Faculty brat, wanting love and tenure.
The River Phoenix – "5 Wheel Drive": Four minutes of licking a cheesegrater.
Sgt Dunbar and the Hobo Banned – "A March Through Charle’s Mingus’ Garbage Pile": Can’t get inspired to type anything.
Slaves to Gravity – "Doll Size": Mary, how does your Soundgarden grow?
The Spinto Band – "Summer Grof": Pixilated. Sounds like ancient maiden aunts.