Are you in an indie rock band that’s struggling to find an audience? Well Seattle Weekly has a guide (that is either jokingly reverential or facetious) that tells you and your band how to get hype like Deerhunter. With lessons like this, you’ll be at CMJ in no-time:

Have Marfan syndrome. This genetic disorder, from which Cox suffers, makes him tall and impossibly thin. Though it reduces life expectancy, it will have a striking visual effect on your band's photos, and cause haters to say a lot of mean, idiotic things about you they will later have to retract. (Acquiring Marfan syndrome is not easy, though perhaps if your uncle is a genetic engineer and your other uncle has a time machine, something can be worked out.)

 

Be super-confusing about your sexuality. Even if, like Cox, your band's first album is known as Turn It Up, Faggot, and the cover features a duplicate image of the Black Lips' Cole Alexander with his dong hanging out, pull a Morrissey and claim asexuality. While you're at it, blog about your sexual fantasies (coupled with pictures of young boys), your history of sexual abuse, and your turds. Or don't. Either way is cool.

 

Leak your music accidentally, and then get really steamed about it. As Cox did in August with work by both Deerhunter and his Atlas Sound side project, you too should upload music into an unlocked account that your fans can easily access. Once a reader posts a link, get pissy ("I can't understand how you go on living," Cox wrote), suggest listeners send you a PayPal donation, but ultimately admit, "Now everyone that reads this thing is going to think I'm a fucking lunatic." Fix the problem by releasing some of the material as a bonus disc, as Deerhunter did by bundling Weird Era Cont. with Microcastle.

Time to drop my ShamWow! Guy voice, and suggest you read the list. It’s pretty funny stuff, as it distills all of the standard talking points about Deerhunter into a practical guide for indie rock stardom. [Seattle Weekly via LHB]