Say what you will about award shows, but when a celebrity appears on stage in any of the following states of mind--tearful, rant-y, hysterical, intoxicated, delusional, sincere--we (the world of American television viewers) can't not watch, absorb it forever, and ultimately feel some sort of feeling.
During last night's broadcast of the 2013 Golden Globes Awards, we saw nearly all of the above-listed states of mind manifest in a single person: Jodie "Can I get a wolf whistle?" Foster. Thank you Jesus. After receiving the Cecil B. DeMille Award, Foster essentially rambled on for a good 10 minutes (10 years in Hollywood time) without a shred of immodesty or self-censorship (she even joked "I'm a little nervous...but maybe not quite as nervous as my publicist right now, huh Jennifer?"). She thanked Mel Gibson, who "saved" her (but not that kind of "save"). She pitched a reality show where she makes out with Marion Cotillard and spanks Daniel Craig. More importantly, she also kind of came out...for the second time? Watch her speech below (and read a full transcript over at Vulture).