Click here to read the winners of the 2011 Grammys.
It's the middle of February, so that means America is beset with Grammy fever. Actually, it doesn't mean that; it really means that the country's just finished digging itself out of Snowmageddon (Snowlocaust? Snowtel Rwanda? Snowmer Rouge?) and could generally care less about an exceedingly middle-of-the road telecast that offers few surprises, in spite of the massive celebrity pageantry it contains.
But who knows? It's definitely possible that something awesome could still happen! Maybe Lady Gaga will murder the cast of Glee! Maybe Justin Bieber will do lines off Selena Gomez's muff, onstage! That's what Prefix is here for, to live blog the event and make sure you get a fresh reaction to all this completely plausible stuff, without having to commit yourself to the drudgery of the ceremony.
Come back here at 8PM ET on Sunday to catch the live blog.
Click here to read the live blog of the 2010 ceremony.
Click here to read Prefix's predictions for this year's ceremony.
7:55 One night. One stage. One network. One music website. One 23-year-old desperately shoveling apple juice and butter cookies into his mouth like it's the end of the world while he stares into the Internet. IT'S GRAMMY TIME.
8:01 Not that they need an excuse, but is there any reason for this affirmation of Aretha Franklin's status as Aretha Franklin?
8:03 Oh, she's sick. Well aren't I a dick.
8:04 Christina Aguilera, Jennifer Hudson, Florence Welch, Yolanda Adams, Martina McBride: This is pretty decent tribute salad. The only thing it's missing is a little mozzarella.
8:07 Sorry ya'll my mom just called me to interrogate me as to whether or not that "blonde thing in the middle" was Christina Aguilera.
8:10 8:10 Full disclosure: You're not getting the full live blog experience. I'm saving all of my comments for what I would do to Jennifer Hudson for Gchat.
8:12 Umm, why isn't Katy Perry mixed up in all of this, paying tribute to Aretha with a whipped cream/roman candle launcher strapped to her chest. Someone needs to get fired for that oversight.
8:19 Does Aretha Franklin ever get tired of being referred to as the Queen of soul? It's so awfully trite.
8:21 Lead singer of Train: "Thanks Justin Bieber, for not being a duo or a group." He's been sitting on that one for about six weeks, huh?
8:22 I wish they'd sang "Drops of Jupiter" for like 15 seconds.
8:24 It's Gaga time!
8:25 Yo is it just me or is Gaga's look tonight kinda biting Yo-Landi Vi$$er?
8:26 Not that the biggest pop star in the world gives a shit about Yo-wasserface Wa$$erface.
8:27 About 4 hours earlier I was in a weight room surrounded by black dudes who were pumping iron while Lady Gaga chanting "Don't be a drag/just be a queen" blared from the radio in the corner. Just consider that.
8:29 Oh man, I hope Lou Reed got a fat fat check for this terrible "Walk on the Wild Side" HP commercial.
8:34 I wonder if Blake Shelton would let the Based God throw it to Miranda Lambert.
8:36 Pssh, who am I kidding. Of course he would, it's the Based God!
8:38 My great dream for the future is that Kings of Leon, Muse, and Interpol will merge to create a massive rocktastic supergroup that produces extremely successful middle of the road crap that I will never ever give a shit about.
8:48 "One of those moments that only happens right here, at the Grammys." One of those painfully contrived, extremely inorganic triumphs of commercialism and mainstream pablum that only the Grammys telecast would be mean enough to force on you? Yes, one of those.
8:51 And who did BOB think he was with that Monocle? This is the Grammys not Park Place.
8:54 Bruno Mars just bent down real low and made this sound that was supposed to be sexy I think? but it just sounded like he was taking a dump.
8:55 Bruno Mars is trying to do Justin Bieber's "I can play the drums too" trick from the VMAs, and he just doesn't carry it off nearly as well.
8:57 Janelle Monae just did some stuff.
9:05 Hah, of course Eva Longoria is introducing Justin Bieber. Bieber only lets himself be introduced by 10s.
9:09 Oh fuck oh fuck Jaden Smith just apparated onstage with some Scientology points he borrowed from Daddy, this performance just got knocked up to 11.
9:10 I really want Usher to do that split he did at the super bowl again.
9:11 Ugh what is the likelihood that after the ceremony that Justin Bieber, Usher, and Jaden Smith are going to just cruise around, looking for girls to bone and then drain of all their blood? Pretty high right? Ugh they are so cool.
9:13 I think that Justin Bieber and Usher are both Power Rangers.
9:21 I love that this dude whose name I don't know just said "Justin Bieber" and looked at Selena Gomez with that "I know he's done lines off of your belly mid-coitus, and that he will tonight" look.
9:26 There's a bunch of earnest folk rock dudes onstage dressed like they're farmhands out on the weekend, being earnest and shit.
9:27 I first heard of Mumford and Sons on Friday when I saw that this guy I know had posted to the Facebook of this real cute girl I know, this super super earnest video of him singing and playing on guitar the song "Lover of the Light." He deleted it four hours after he put it up :(
9:30 Mumford and Sons? The Avett Brothers? For the first time in my life, I'd rather be listening to/watching Wilco.
9:33 The Avett Brothers and Mumford and Sons backing up Bob Dylan seem about 455% more excited to be there than he does, and that is awesome.
9:45 Despite Darius Rocker's best efforts, Country is still the only definitively White genre of popular music. That's deep(er than rap).
9:47 CEE LO IS LITERALLY "PEACOCKING" RIGHT NOW WHAT ARE THE CHANCES HE NEGS GWENYTH PALTROW WHEN SHE GETS ONSTAGE
9:48 Cee-Lo is the greatest pick up artist of all time. He is the Lady Killer, after all.
9:49 I also think that Cee-Lo is starring in Rio.
9:51 I know that Gwenyth Paltrow did "Fuck You" on Glee but that still doesn't explain how she GOOP'd her way into a Grammy performance.
9:52 I for serious have a lot of respect for the GOOPster right now.
9:57 This is Katy Perry's first live performance in a while where she didn't sound awful.
10:00 Full disclosure: I love "Teenage Dream" so much I wish i could mainline it.
10:01 THE CAMERA JUST CLOSED IN ON NICOLE KIDMAN SINGING ALONG TO TEENAGE DREAM AND I JUST DIED AND TOOK YOU ALL WITH ME WE'RE ALL DEAD NOW.
10:07 "The Song Otherwise Known as Forget You," are the FCC and the Recording Academy really that lame?
10:12 "I've seen things I've never seen before, I've heard things I've never heard before, and that's not the ceremony, that's just from being backstage getting high with Miley Cyrus." - Seth Rogen wins the future with the best joke of the night.
10:19 Little known fact: Eminem actually has the "Beats by Dre" symbol tattooed on his scrotum. Weird, huh?
10:22 The Grammy for Best New Artist goes to this chick Esperanza Spalding who I've never heard of and who I thought was Solange when I saw the camera pan to her earlier!
10:27 Haha, and Drake wins "Best Celebrity Tweet During the Grammy Ceremony."
10:31 Ugh why are Gleebro and this old dude talking if they need to fill up time can Katy Perry perform again?
10:35 Why couldn't they have played "Holy Diver" when Dio's picture flashed onscreen for the "in memoriam" thing?
10:36 Either Mick Jagger or David Bowie is the most self-possessed man in the world, but Mick Jagger is onstage right now and his presence leaves pretty little to be desired.
10:38 Mick Jagger shouts to the audience "Is everyone having a good time?" then mouths "Yes!" directly after, as if to say, "You're watching me, of course you're having a good time."
10:46 Hahaha, where the fuck did they get Kris Kristofferson from?
10:51 Between Nicki Minaj's Bride of Frankenstein deal and Will.i.am's Astroy Boy cut, I'm glad they put the black people with adventurous hair onstage together.
10:56 I'm mad at the lack of Ke$ha in this ceremony.
10:59 Thank you Diddy, for that incredibly weird intro. Are you on Ketamine?
11:01 Rihanna is doing "What's My Name" and damn, Chris Brown really really fucked up didn't he?
11:03 Marc Anthony and Jennifer Lopez's attempt to be funny is legitimately painful, wow.
11:10 Real talk that Rihanna performance was so true and real that it almost makes me feel like watching this awful mess for the past three hours has been justified.
11:11 Seriously Chris Brown you fucked up.
11:13 Arcade Fire's performance is incredibly bright.
11:14 And there are BMX camerabros?
11:15 Seriously, props to Arcade Fire for turning in a performance that was genuinely chaotic and playing a song that was noisy and not poppy at all.
11:23 And Arcade Fire wins album of the year? That is kind a of a total trip.
11:25 And they play out the ceremony with "Ready to Start"
11:27 There's going to be a bunch of cynicism about Arcade Fire winning Album of the Year, but to win the Grammy after turning in a performance that had to be intentionally abrasive and not even really enjoyable to watch, is pretty cool.
11:30 Well, the 53rd Grammys are over, and so is this live blog! Thanks for reading!