FBI Investigating Fyre Festival For Fraud

    Things Are Not Looking Too Hot For Ja Rule

    In unsurprising news, the troubles of Fyre Festival don’t seem to be ending anytime soon. According to the New York Times,  a criminal investigation led by the FBI and the United States attorney’s office for the Southern District of New York is currently underway. According to the report, authorities are focused on “possible” mail, wire, and securities fraud.

    The NYT report also highlights the wide array of unresolved issues still lingering from the weekend in Great Exuma that was a snapshot of Hell on Earth and/or the (swiftly-approaching) End of Days. Blink-182, who didn’t even perform after backing out of their headlining gig at the last second, still have some of their tour equipment stuck in customs. Festival employees are still awaiting payment. A vendor who catered the festival says she’s still awaiting a check of $134,000. (Yikes, Ja. Yikes.)

    Billy McFarland, Fyre Festival co-organizer, called the event “the toughest day” of his life. “We were a little naïve in thinking for the first time we could do this ourselves,” he said. “Next year, we will definitely start earlier. The reality is, we weren’t experienced enough to keep up.”

    Dude said “next year.” (LOL) I don’t think next year is happening, Mr. McFarland. According to the Times piece, Billy McFarland was the festival’s money man, literally carrying around cash in his swim shorts. “$500, crumpled up, a little humid because he went jet skiing with it.” (Yes. That’s a real quote.)

    Ja Rule, another of the festival’s co-organizers released a statement via his Twitter on April 28th.

    The Times reports that a meeting occurred earlier this month at McFarland’s New York office. When Fyre Festival employees mentioned the word fraud, Ja Rule apparently went full Trump Fake News on them. “That’s not fraud, that’s not fraud,” he said, “False advertising, maybe—not fraud.” False advertising isn’t fraud, guys. Alternative facts.

    In fairness to McFarland, who mentioned the possibility of another Fyre Festival, this is probably a genius idea. We can all see the shirts now: “I Survived Fyre Festival 2018.” These would sell out like copies of Pain is Love in 2001. Is Survivor still a show? Their ratings can’t be that impressive. Survivor: Fyre Festival. Don’t lie to me and say you wouldn’t watch that.