Baby, you’re a rich man

    And in the end, the love you take is equal to . . . $48.7 millon.


    Our long, international nightmare is over, as Paul McCartney and Heather Mills’s fierce, protracted divorce battle has finally been settled. A British judge has ordered Sir Paul to pay his ex the aforementioned sum (which, in the former Beatle’s case, likely entailed said judge inquiring "How much have you got on you right now?" followed by Macca tossing aside some Juicyfruit wrappers before producing the agreed-upon amount).


    Mills’s decision to represent herself against one of the most powerful and beloved human beings on the planet in the wake of disagreements with her initial counsel should in and of itself be incontestible evidence of the fact that she’s been eating an extra helping of crazy for breakfast. The amount she was actually after as compensation for the thankless task of being a jillionaire’s wife for four years turns out to be five times that of the final settlement, but she’s stated that she’s very happy with the result nonetheless. A real glass-half-full type of gal, that Heather. Mills had rejected her former paramour’s original settlement offer of $31.5 million.


    Mills and McCartney’s four-year-old daugher Beatrice will be getting $70,000 a year from McCartney, about which the perpetually chin-up Mills observed, "Obviously she’s meant to travel B class while her father travels A class, but obviously I will pay for that." Despite her good-natured acceptance of the case’s resolution, Mills is said to have "launched an eleven-minute tirade against the British judicial system" for the press outside the courthouse.


    What’s the lesson we learn from this unseemly episode? Middle-aged rockers, stop marrying models young enough to be your daughters! John Mellencamp seemed self-satisfied enough when launching into one of his ’80s hits during his recent R&R Hall of Fame induction and announcing that his own fashion-model wife was thirteen when he wrote the song. Catch his act a few years from now if Mrs. Mellencougar gets a bee in her bonnet and decides to go all Heather Mills on his Indiana ass.