In the process of digging through videos from last night's American Music Awards, I've determined that Rihanna's borderline ridiculous performance of "Rehab" takes the cake. I'm not sure why Rihanna quite needed to rock the eye patch. I'm even less sure why considering that she takes the eye patch off after taking an elevator down from the upper platform. The outfit makes Rihanna actually look like an awards trophy, and the sensuous (but not in a stripper way) lean against the pole in the video's second half is pretty priceless. In short, this kind of thing is one of the few parts of the major rock establishment I'm going to miss once the record industry collapses.

Rihanna won the American Music Award for Favorite Female Artist, it should be noted.