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10. Anxious to rid myself of those bothersome billion dollar endorsements

9. Too much chlorine

8. Uh... I thought it was chapstick

7. Asked myself, 'What would Chong do?'

6. Uh... Glaucoma?

5. It's my last chance to goof off before I have to settle down and get a real swimming job

4. Uh... I got bitten by a groundhog?

3. Chillax, Broseph

2. Was doing research for upcoming film "Michael and Kumar Go to the Olympics"

1. Huh?