6. Bright Eyes - "Four Winds"

Nothing says "hoedown" quite like an opening fiddle riff. And the fiddle solo that opens Bright Eyes' "Four Winds" is a doozy. This is the type of swinging tune that rednecks have been line dancing to for decades. But it's highly unlikely that any Texas two stepping has ever gone down to a song that can't even make it a full five lines before breaking out the lyrics about "people always dying" and "bodies decomposing in containers." And it just gets better from there.

"Four Winds" isn't so much just about death as it is full-on apocalypse. Later verses feature happy-go-lucky lines like "the Bible's blind, the Torah's deaf, the Koran is mute. If you burn them all together you'd get close to the truth." Note to Muslim extremists: he said it, not me. By the time the lines about genocide in South Dakota roll around, most people would probably find themselves a little down in the dumps if not for the fact that they're probably too busy whistling along to notice. If you've never heard this song, make sure to give it a listen. I can all but guarantee that it will be a long time before you hear "when great Satan's gone, the whore of Babylon" sung with such funtastic enthusiasm.

The video for "Four Winds" raises a number of questions itself, not the least of which is "why did the audience bring so much garbage to the show?" Pay special attention around the 2:34 mark when someone hurls a pair of fuzzy dice on stage. Awwww.

 

5. Smashing Pumpkins - "Today"

Today? It's the greatest day you've ever known? Wow, that's great Billy! How come? Oh? Oh. Oh my.

To call anything by the Smashing Pumpkins "upbeat" may seem like a stretch, but on "Today" Billy Corgan's half singing, half caterwauling whine sounded deceptively positive. As promising as "the greatest day I've ever known" may sound, it's really anything but. You see, the reason today is such a great day is because tomorrow ain't coming. Things have gotten so bad that the song's protagonist is planning to kill himself. Today is the greatest day ever, because he knows things will never be as bad as they have been ever again. Cheers, everybody!

The video for "Today" doesn't give a whole lot of insight as to why the subject of the song wants to kill himself, unless it's distress over what has become of his beloved ice-cream truck. It does feature Pumpkins guitarist James Iha in a dress though. If that's not enough to make a person want to kill themselves, I don't know what is.